So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
