shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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