oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
