Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
