so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
