We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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