Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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