if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
