apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
