Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
