You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They took my balls.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
