I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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