Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
