yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
