I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
