I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
