Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
