ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
