Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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