went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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