sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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