I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
