im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
