i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
