Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
