and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She even gives head with a lisp.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
