my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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