My friends, they love my intelligence
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
