you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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