do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
