The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
