She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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