ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
