Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
