You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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