guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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