I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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