So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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