Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
