Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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