Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
