im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
