I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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