Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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