its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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