i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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