Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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