Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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