the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
