I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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